she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
