Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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