wat bout pragnant strippers??
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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