I wanna passion pit in your ass
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize