Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
