O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
