my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Damn victory sex feels great
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
