Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
