I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize