Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
