i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
