The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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