and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
