fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
