ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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