is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
