Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
