I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
