So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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