But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
