The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
