I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
