not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize