You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
