She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My vagina is officially offended.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
