I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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