I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
