Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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