Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
