Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
