best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
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