btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize