I wish I only lived at night.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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