He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
