Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
