im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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