just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
