I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
