I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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