I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
