You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
