Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
