theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
