using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
