thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
