I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize