today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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