There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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