It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize