speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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