His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
