It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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