There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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