break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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