So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
