Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize