i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
