He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
