dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
