So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
