So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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