Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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