I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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