Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
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