Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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