what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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