Michael Bay diarrhea
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
