Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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