so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
